Choking on Stars
by Francesca Jones
Summary: This was what always happened. He walked away and she watched him go. She can’t even blame him for it this time though. Maybe she’s the one who needs to break the cycle. Alternate Scene for Literati Lovers. 6x08 oneshot


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**A/N: **I don't know where this came from, but I was listening to The Kooks and The Verve and this came about. _She Moves in Her Own Way_ by The Kooks and _Sonnet _by The Verve are my recommendations at the moment. The title comes from a variation on a few lines in _Blue _by The Verve. Anyway, enjoy.

**Summary:** This was what always happened. He walked away and she watched him go. She can't even blame him for it this time though. Maybe she's the one who needs to break the cycle. Alternate Scene for Literati Lovers. 6x08.

**Choking on Stars**

It feels like his hand has been there forever; like there hadn't been a three year gap between touches. Rory looked down, but his hand wasn't on her elbow anymore. He was walking away, because wasn't he just so damn good at that?

He stopped though, and turned back around. "Happy birthday, by the way." Rory looked up at him and he stared straight into her eyes. How long has it been since someone has actually looked at her and _seen_ her?

"Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday?" He asked, but there's almost a smirk on his face. He knows exactly when her birthday is, even though he'd never admit that.

Rory nodded, her mind still reeling with the dialogue they've just exchanged. Who was she? Who was she that she needed Jess to put things into perspective for her, that she couldn't even think of a retort? She couldn't even throw their past back at him. She didn't want to, and she couldn't do it because she was doing the same thing he did. She messed everything up, and she ran away from everyone who cared about her. She could feel tears welling up as she processed it all.

She looked up and saw his form retreating again. This was what always happened. He walked away and she watched him go. She can't even blame him for it this time though. Maybe she's the one who needs to break the cycle.

She caught up to him quickly, her quick steps overpowering his slow stride. She grabbed his hand and he turned around, looking down at where she held onto him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered hoarsely, a tear spilling over.

Jess adverted his eyes from her face and took a step back. He bit his lower lip and shook his head. "You don't need to apologize to me."

"You wrote a book!" Rory's voice regained all of its volume with the statement. "You wrote a book." She repeated, a little calmer.

Jess scratched the back of his head and looked at her, confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"What have I done?" Rory demanded. "I dropped out of Yale. I live in my grandmother's house. I…"

"Hey, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad." Jess stated firmly, getting defensive. "I just wanted to show you."

"No!" Rory shook her head, feeling frustrated. "I'm not…I've never been more proud of anyone for anything. What you did…I could never…" Rory's eyes filled again.

"That's bull." Jess snapped. "You could do anything. I've seen you in action, Gilmore. You get what you want."

"What do you know?" Rory asked. "You don't know me anymore."

"You're right." He agreed. "You're nothing like the girl I knew. I _knew_ Rory Gilmore and she didn't quit anything."

Rory protectively wrapped her arms around herself and looked down at the ground. She nodded slowly as she thought about it. He was right. She'd always been a fighter. She never gave up what she wanted. She worked hard and made everything work to her advantage. When had that changed? When did she become the damsel in distress who needed her grandparents to save her?

"I don't know who I am anymore."

The whispered words were so pathetic that they break Jess's heart just a little. She looked so fragile standing in front of him. Her dyed hair and her designer coat couldn't hide that fact that she looked so empty and broken. He saw it the moment she got out of her car at her grandmother's and he could still see it now.

Jess opened his mouth to speak, but shut it again. What could he possibly say? He couldn't fix this. He was no savior. He was just an asshole who wrote a book.

"When did I get so weak?" Rory asked, obviously not expecting an answer.

"I don't know." Jess said quietly, attempted to smirk when her eyes met his again. "I missed it. Missed a lot, I guess."

Rory just nodded at his statement, knowing that he was right. "You said you couldn't have done it without me."

Jess sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you say that?" Rory demanded, dropping her arms from that protective stance for the first time.

"Because it's true." Jess said. He looked around. Of all the ways he imagined this night ending, not one had him bearing his soul to Rory in a dirty alley. He let his eyes meet hers and said, "Because you're the only thing that ever made me want to be better."

Rory closed her eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. She took in a deep breath as she processed his words. She'd made him want to be better, to strive for something more. And who was she? _What_ was she? How could she inspire someone when she hadn't felt inspired in so long?

"I wanted tonight to be different." She said firmly. "I wanted to _talk_ to you."

"We are talking." Jess shrugged and looked past her, avoiding eye contact.

"I wanted to hear about you. I wanted stories about crazy adventures and traveling and…"

"Explanations?" Jess asked tentatively.

Rory nodded. "Maybe a little. And maybe I wanted to explain myself to someone too."

"Well…" Jess started, looking around him. "There's something poetic about an alleyway confession, huh?"

Rory looked at her feet, then back up at Jess. "I feel like I'm choking on my life and I can't do a thing to stop it."

"But you _can_, Rory." Jess insisted, taking a step towards her. He put his hand on her elbow again. "You just have to want to."

"I want to." She was crying now, tears spilling down her cheeks as her face turned red. She fell forward and wrapped her arms around Jess's waist.

Jess stiffened at the contact, but hugged Rory to him, one hand laying gently on her back while the other smoothed her hair. "Then you will." He said simply. "You can do anything."

Rory looked up at him, her blue eyes hazy with her tears. Jess hesitated, but then took his thumb and brushed a tear away from her cheek. "Maybe you just need some inspiration." He said, trying to make light of his earlier confession.

Rory sniffled, but smiled at his words. He really had no idea how right he was. That was exactly what she'd been missing this whole time--something or someone to inspire her, to make her want to be better. Maybe Jess wasn't the only one who needed that in his life.

Realizing that they were still holding onto each other, Rory pulled away. She wiped roughly at her face in an attempt to destroy the evidence of her crying. She looked at Jess seriously as she thought of something to say, a way to thank him for showing her what an idiot she was, for coming back when she needed him the most, for _knowing_ somehow that she needed to be picked up, dusted off, and sent back to the real world.

"I'm hungry." She stated firmly.

Jess smirked at her and nodded at the restaurant behind her. "What about him?"

Rory waved a hand dismissively, but took a step backwards. "I'm going to explain to him that I'm going to Luke's Diner with my old friend, and he's not invited."

Jess raised an eyebrow at her. "You want to go to Stars Hollow?"

"What can I say?" Rory shrugged and turned around to go find Logan. She turned her head back towards Jess with a wink and said, "I just got inspired."


End file.
